Fall outs and skinny jeans

Stereotypically, high school senior year is supposed to be gone in a blink of eye leaving behind only a whirlwind of blurred emotions and memories. Then, we’re supposed stand in the sweltering heat with the sun penetrating even the most polarized of our shades, and it’s all supposed to end in a symbolic flourish because our school is so special, we don’t throw our graduation caps in the air. Then summer is supposed be another crazy three months, when the lines between night and day become indiscernible, and we’re finally off to our colleges, meager freshmen once again.

Unfortunately, I haven’t gotten off to a very good start to this process. Forgive me for dropping my polished pretense, but this year effing blows. Hard. First semester was just a frantic continuation of junior year, and now, even though I’ve become an accomplished lazy bum, I am just not happy with the status quo. Though I’ve gotten very close to the unlikeliest of people and even closer to some I’ve been with for a while, I’ve lost friends left and right.

Conflict resolution has never been my forte, so when a friend and I have problems, my knee jerk reaction is to ignore and avoid. Recently, I’ve been working on not being such a frigid bitch, so now I at least tell people that I want them to get out before I cut them off. Which isn’t particularly mature either, but baby steps are the way to go.

However, I’ve never been part of an exacerbated fall out, which is why I was caught so off guard. For a while now, a close friend and I hadn’t been spending as much time together, and I simply blamed it on our incompatible schedules. But little things kept popping up and they didn’t make me feel very appreciated. Again, I blamed it on my own inherent neediness and tried hard to keep it to myself. When we finally had a chance to talk, I was told that she was a different person and that we were going our separate ways, and it was painfully apparent that she really wasn’t bothered.

There isn’t anything I can do, but it makes me sad nonetheless. I tried to be a supportive friend and the best I can do is accept this surprising outcome. The harsh reality is, people do change and fall outs happen. But kids, don’t get ahead of yourselves now, you guys are barely adults. The most change you have ever experienced in your life is the sudden shift from bootcuts to skinny jeans. Stop bullshitting yourself, because you can afford to squeeze in a lunch here and there. I’m not saying we should cling to every friendship, but that we should come up with better excuses to break them off.

Oh, and a word of caution: the next person to patronize me should just get out now. I am going to tear you a new one. No joke. On that note, happy April, everyone .

PS. I just had the loveliest conversation with someone I hold very close to my heart, and consider to be the perfect combo of friend and big sister, Tara Raam. Girl, I love you <3. Just because the rest of the world pushes you over the edge, doesn’t mean you still don’t have a safety net to catch you when you fall.

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